Introduction Who Am I?

Greetings and Namaste Collective Soul Family! The purpose of this blog is going to be focused on a spiritual awakening process and all the events that lead up to that for me. My intention is to go through a healing journey with you.  It will entail learning things together. It will allow us to have a safe place away from judgement. It will allow me to tell you my back story that leads up to where I am at now and how I awoke and what happened. Perhaps you will even relate to some of my story. Afterall, we all have a story waiting to be told. This is my story.

With out further ado, allow me to introduce myself to you. My name is Carolyn. I was born in South Miami and grew up in Homestead, Florida. I an an only child and the daughter of Joann and David. My lovely parents who had me on December 17, 1969. I am currently 53 years young. I graduated from Homestead Senior High School in 1988.

After graduation, I decided I wanted to make money so I got my first job as a hostess at a restaurant called Wags! It lasted about one month or so until I got hired at a hardware store called Scotty's. There I worked for 8 months. Then, I went to work for a veterinary named Dr. Proseck. He was from Czechoslovakia and I recall he had a very strong accent. He was a pretty cool boss who said cuss words while he was working. It was funny because of his strong accent when he cursed. It was not at the employees it was just out of frustration that he said three cuss words in a row with his deep accent. I was 19 during my work there and dating a young man that never even noticed me in high school, yet some how we found ourselves dating after high school when another one of my friends from high school introduced us after I was bummed out about being friend zoned by a very handsome man that I worked with at Scotty's Hardware. His name was Chris Schinella. He was so fine! His voice was even better. I enjoyed hearing him sing through the gardening section. Until one day I got up enough courage to ask him to lunch at McDonalds where he friend zoned me. I was okay with being friend zoned because it meant I got to know him anyways even if it was not on a romantic level.

As you can tell, I enjoy telling a story and will get carried away with telling you the story, which is probably what makes me a great writer at hand! Now you may be wondering what relevance does going into telling you about my crush on Chris? Well, that happened at the hardware store I worked at and after that turn down, I was introduced to my boyfriend Joey by my high school friend Darlene. Fast forward to when I was working for Dr. Proseck while dating Joey. It was one day while I was at work, Dr. Proseck pulled me aside to have a talk to me. It was sort of a talk about having sex and being careful. The way the boss put it was gentle and in story form. He referred to sex as being a "weak moment" between a couple. This conversation stood out in my head for a lifetime as this was spoken in 1989 and it is now 2023! He said something along the lines of I went on a date with my girlfriend and we would have a weak moment eventually. I think he was basically telling me to be careful that I didn't get caught up in a weak moment before I was ready! His strong accent while telling this story to me is what made it even more memorable.

In 1990, I went to a vocational school and acquired clerical skills. I got certificates in data entry, word processing, receptionist and secretarial office duties. I also achieved Third Place in Machine Transcription for the Phi Beta Lambda Club! My clerical skills are what have fueled my working career since 1991! I was guaranteed work placement and worked for a land surveyors office as a secretary. 

Then in 1992, Hurricane Andrew came rolling through Homestead and Miami totally ravaging all of South Florida! It was a disastrous blessing in disguise for me! As an only child of my parents, I was severely sheltered by my parents. I was considered pretty naïve by a lot of people. 

My early twenties was a time of self discovery and independence from my parents. After Hurricane Andrew, I set off on my life journey. It led me to Ohio where I lived for twelve years from 1993 to 2005. I had both my daughters in Canton, Ohio. The first one October 9, 2000 and the second October 16, 2004. I wrote many pen pals during my growing up years and even up until 1998. After that I lost interest when my daughters were born. I focused all of my time on my relationships and then my daughters. 

I spent a lot of my time searching for happiness and love. I was seeking it outside of myself. That led to feeling depressed, engulfed with sadness, and a desire to die. This somber attitude came from a dark place. It came from a place of being conditioned by society and my parents. It did not really manifest while I was growing up. It happened once I got out on my own and was searching for my soul family so to speak without knowing that was what I was searching for. My circle of friends. I can say that circle never stood the test of time. The ones that did stand the test of time passed away and my very best friend only speaks to me twice a year. Once on her birthday and once on my birthday.

Another flash freeze moment that would be a pivotal point in my mere existence on this planet was when Chris's Dad, Peter was holding a sign up in the medium of US 1 down in Homestead that said, :"Jesus will heal all of your pain and suffering" At this point in my life as a 19 year old, I thought what pain and suffering have I gone through that needs healing? There was not anything drastic. I led a pretty normal boring childhood with nothing bad or exciting. It was mediocre. This sign would be remembered my entire life and have meaning to me.

A turning point for the worst was in 2014, when I was 43 years old. This was a cross road where the choices I made had irreversible consequences. I was not sure how I going to come back from these mistakes. It has taken the last 10 years to rebuild my  life up until this point. 

In the mix of this pivotal point that took me on the dark side of my alternate reality I awakened spiritually in 2018. It is something that I will have to lead into as this is the introduction blog. There is way more to this story. It has led me to question my entire belief system, everything that was ever taught to me and how it was taught to condition us to be co-dependent on a man as a boyfriend or husband. Searching for love from the outside instead of looking within ourselves to find love first. Being in tune with our emotions and allowing for us to feel them. 

This is a different era, while I grew up in the 1970's and 1980's believing that Christianity was the only true way to go or else you go to hell. Always feeling guilty about studying Paganism or Wicca and thinking it was of the devil but that was what I believed in and I was not a Satanist or an evil person I just had a different belief system that I couldn't explain to everyday people who would judge one another for not believing in Christianity.

Later on, I found out that the mere fearmongering imposed in the Christianity religion is what is called religious dogma. As a young child, I experienced this one Sunday morning when there was a knock on my door. As I answered the door, the lady asked me if I was ready to go to church. I said, what if I do not want to go? She then said, then something bad will happen to you. I slammed the door in her face and ran to my Mom. I said, "Mommy! I have to go to church or something bad will happen to me!" My Mom said, "No! You are not going to church! I am not going to allow someone to scare you into going to church!" So my Mom never sent me back to that Baptist church again. That experience impacted me in a negative way. It made me feel fear and obligation. As a result, I never felt comfortable inside a church setting from that moment forward. That is not the only reason I did not feel comfortable. I knew deep within my soul there was something more and there is a Higher Power. A Divine Oneness! This Divine Oneness is filled with Love and does not impose fear on us. It is welcoming and accepting.

In 2018, when I chose Love and Light that is when things changed on a soul level. The Universe began speaking to me and healing me. It continues to teach me daily. Gradually the deconstruction of the belief system that was placed in front of me is crumbling down as I find out the truth and search for the true meaning of who I really am. All of these events up until now have prepared me for who I am and who I will become in the end.